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so sleep alone tonight
Shu Ern.
16 earthling years. Gutsy and sarcastic. Mushroom on head. Hide sweets at unreachable places just so that she doesn't eat too many of them. Breed dinosaurs. |
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about this blog
This blog was opened by Shu Ern, the mushroom dinosaur to accomodate her mindless musings and daily rantings.Do enjoy your stay here, and don't take what's not yours! tagboard
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Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
1st Day
This is the first day that I don't have to stay back for kawad anymore. I felt lonely. I can almost feel my sorrow eating my inside little by little. Everyone is sad and frustrated. We miss kawad so damn much. We miss the hot hot days. We miss the rainy cold days. We miss everyone. And especially I miss Yee Seen the most. When there is nothing to do, I cry. Because I realize how much I miss this.I know breaking down is not the smartest or macho-est thing to do but what else to do when you're so sad and it's welling up inside your heart. There's no way I can get over it so fast. For 3 months, I have been kawad-ing. And now it just stopped without a trace. Disappear. I had nothing left even. I had forget that what life is like when I don't have kawad. I don't know what I need to do when I get back home early. I don't know what to feel when I can't feel the sun burning into my skin. I'm sadistic maybe but I felt a sense of lost. It's like I just lost my house and everything I have. It's stupid to think that we wouldn't be together anymore once this is all over. But noone ever say We're gonna part and it's gonna be this soon. It got my by surprise, really. There's nothing I can do, that's why I'm crying. I know we will not be kawad-ing together anymore. For the past 3 months, I've been living, eating, breathing for kawad. Looking at the field that we used to have practice just make me feel sick because I miss this so much. I'm so used to kawad-ing and seeing all the squad members everyday, when I don't see them, I miss them. When I was in Form 1, whenever the ajks planned kawad on Wednesday activities, I skipped it or find stupid excuses. I have never thought of the day that I'm gonna miss it so much that it hurts. Now it really has happened and it's killing me. Everything looks different. There's nothing that I look forward to after school anymore. We will never do the same thing, have the same spirit, shout the same slogan and have the same goal anymore. It breaks my tiny little black teary heart just by thinking of it. They say:" Noone dies of a broken heart." but I think I am. We're orphans. Now we're adopted. We have our own life. But I'm sure that none of us have move on. We'll always remember this and miss this. Can we please still be as close as we are when we have kawad? Promise me please. =)  When you cry so much, the tears leave tracks on your face. -Being with you people is where I belong. |