Don't Close Your Eyes

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This blog was opened by Shu Ern, the mushroom dinosaur to accomodate her mindless musings and daily rantings.
Do enjoy your stay here, and don't take what's not yours!

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lost counted

I'm supposed to be memorising lisan or doing my buku log. But instead, here I am, blogging.

Actually I got nothing to blog except one,

TO ALL THE COLOURFUL EGGS,

HAPPY EASTER DAY!!!!!

Shung told me that Easter is not all about eggs, but still colourful eggs are just so tempting. =D

-Would post photos of sports day when I'm in the mood of being hardworking.

8 and 9 in a post

Yesterday, my mum hated me so I couldn't blog.
I was angry with her so I forgot what happened yesterday except that I was angry with her.

Today,

We did formation with only 10 people or so. It was crazily fun. Makes me miss all the kawad moments again for the pass months. In the middle of the first formation, intruders intruded my place and I was forced to move out and I was standing out there shouting but Yee Seen ignored me and kept doing the formasi. That SS Dorae.

Rangers always do crazy things together. In hot sun or cold rain, that's how we rule the world and other planets. =D

I kept making Fiona laughed during practice. All the evil things I do that Dorae will never know. I'm proud of myself for being my evil little self. Tomorrow I'm staying back doing the board for rangers. [Don't know what it is called in BM. Ask Jing Yee or Yee Seen for that.] Be proud people as your very own Picasso is gonna do you a very abstract favour, designing the board.

I'm happy that we're still bonded and together. So very semangat.

- But there's is one thing that I'm upset about. [Jing Yee, the shit knows.]

1 week

Tomorrow got raptai!!! Which means no studying!!! Which also means that Rangers can do lintas hormat together!!! Which also also means that we need to wear out uniform to school only to change it later, sadly.

Today is a day which I watched [guarded] Yee Seen finished her food. I tell you la, don't think she's like all cool and stuff. She actually is a kid when it comes to eating. She has a policy of every spoonful of rice needs lauk if not she wouldn't eat it. If she finished all her lauk, she will throw her rice away. [which is many many many rice.] So today I watched [guarded] her and keep giving her warning and in the end, Doraeseen grew up!!!!! She finished her food. [with a few threatening here and there.] We even clapped for her.

Good job, Doraeseen.

We're proud of you.

-Today is a weird day.

3 + 3

We received the bronze medal from the zon pudu cpmpetition today. It was actually kinda a sad moment. [Bronze ain't no gold, people.] But the good thing is, the full squad of people actually been able to sit down at the same place and just gather like we used to. Then, Yee Seen was like "This thursday and friday got kawad!!" and we were like lighten up in an instant. Oh, how we miss kawad. Now I can finally mention the word kawad cause we're having kawad this week.

Broke Pei Ann's 20 cm ruler into half today. She was so sad. Then she was like talking to the ruler "Why are you so fragile?" and broke the 10 cm half ruler into another half. [Accidentally.] We laughed hard. Very hard. It rained afterwards. The curtain was blowing into Pei Ann's face. [She was sitting beside the window.] Pei Ann was like " Oooii!! Stop it ah!!! Wooi!!!" Talking to the curtain and puching it. She's a crazy pig.

Went tuition on 6 p.m Went back at 8 p.m. Before I go home, I wrote a message for Yee Seen on Mr. B's board and warned him not to erase it. Mr B said " Yee Seen got tuition today meh?" I was like "Got la, later at 8.30 ma." which proves that I stalked Yee Seen. =D

I wrote this too Yee Seen. [Credit to Manda too.] But my handwriting in reality is more beautiful than this computer paint crap la. LMAO. But I was in a rush so forgot to take photos. I threatened and blackmailed Mr B. His life is in danger. His life is in my hands. MUHAHAHA~~

-It's DoraeSEEN not DoraeSIN.

fifth

Today I kept myself busy so I'm ok. I saw Yee Seen today so I'm ok. Hugged her too so I'm super fine. Watch our video for like 91294371038103719372929 times and turned emo. Read a few blogs and stumbled into Lai Chin's, found this photo so gonna share with you people.

Doraeseen laughing so hard, her face gonna crack and Jing Yee "What cha doing" face.

I think I mentioned Yee Seen name too much on this blog nowadays. I mean, other senior can also come over to us and we can too have a special bonding moment. [The ones we have with Yee Seen almost every-freaking-day, if not we can't sleep.]

As Hui Wei said, "HUNGER FOR YEE SEEN."

Scary huh? Don't run, Dorae cause we're everywhere.

MUHAHAHA~~

Dorae shall be ours!!!!

-Don't want to make people cry with my words anymore.

2+2 day

I didn't went to merentas desa today cause I went to oh-so-dreaddful tuition!!! I'm sad that I didn't get to see Yee Seen or as a matter of fact any of them today. [I saw Manda and Cinder la.] Went to tuition then went home. Sad and boring as I thought I would be. Still can't get over the fact that I'm going to tuition instead of doing the thing I want to do most nowadays.

Everytime I look into the mirror, I'm a little sad. Not because I'm as dark as a toasted bread but the fact that I'm getting fairer everyday. Remember the half V I used to show you people caused by my koko shirt? Yeah, that ugly little thing. It's getting fainter now and I'm actually quite sad. And not long ago I was applying lots of lotion on it to make it less obvious. Oh, the times. But now, how I wish it would stay forever cause it's part of my memories of the thing I love the most. I'm out of my mind maybe. I got my muscular leg from the wonderful thing I did for the past 3 months. I actually hated it at first cause I thought my legs look stubby and short. But now, I actually missed it.

Do you people remember the displaced bone on my right leg? Yeah, the bone that I suspect would poke out anytime soon so I was scared shitless but still hentak with all that I've got. I actually missed the pain too. [I may be sadistic or a bit of a torture.] I have the wear a knee guard because it hurts so damn much. Yee Seen even said that I'm like her grandma for wearing that thing. But I dare not go to a doctor because I was afraid that the doctor would stop me from doing the thing that is most important to me. [Then, now and forever.] But I realized that when I wear the knee guard, it prevents me from using all my strength and hentakan came out lembik and un-macho so I risk my bone-poking-out and put the knee guard aside.

I [kinda] hurt my leg today and I cried a little not because of the pain but because the IT sick is back. I was thinking that if we're still doing IT, I woould NEVER let myself hurt my leg during private and non-pratice time. Even if I hurt my leg, I would do whatever it takes to make it better cause I know I still have to do my best during tomorrow's practice. What makes me sad is that, now I'm free to do anything I want and life's empty. I would never have to rush on a 15 minutes interval anymore. I can have the time of my life to change as slow as I want. I don't ever need to be punish for being 2 minutes late anymore. And that is saddening.

Thinking back, all the pain, the suffering under hot and cold conditions are all things I hated back then but would kill to have it back now. How weird for people to only realized what is important to them when it is gone. But I guess that is the part where we remember everything in our heart and treasure it more. With its absence, we're both lost and devastated. We left our footsteps everywhere in the school when we tour around the school doing IT. Now, everything is history.

It's hard time for us all.

- To IT, our love and pride.

the day after

Today was a happy day. [Kinda]. Went to eat, skipped Mandarin class, met nice people [whom Xian Jin called yum], saw Yee Seen countless time and spent time together. When I want to go home and was walking along the canteen corridor, saw Yee Seen but tak sempat call her cause she walked [very fast I might add] into the class. Sad.

Yesterday the not-so-kind Leos chatted on midnight without my acknowledgement so I was sad. I wanted to chat too mah so now I'm waiting for many many people to online. Whilst waiting for many many people to online, Yee Seen who was originally online-ing offline already and don't know where she disappeared to. Sad, main character hilang. I swear these days, Yee Seen ruled my blog and I almost stalk this fat and dark Doraemon. Scary I know but I come in peace. =D

Jing Yee is happy today cause baby fat talked to her. "Tak ade kawad ke?" Then he smiled yumly while drinking to his bottle. Grr, I dislike him. He's unfriendly and totally gave me and Lai Chin signal to not-so-politely asked us to leave. So I was like "I don't know him." which I seriously don't cause in class he's either a) don't know fly to where already or b) ignore the 2 Loos in class. Don't know what is his problem. Maybe he doesn't like that on the first day we came to 4M, we stole his feng shui seat infront of Jing Yee. Maybe he's another crazy stalker who can join Jing Yee's fan club. Creepo.

Today was not-so-sad but still abit sad. When we have asuhan rohani in the volleyball court, memories came crawling back which makes me sad and fill my heart with tears. After the thing ended, the others want to go to toilet so me and Jing Yee went also. Standing at the first floor, we looked down and remind ourselves the days we kawaded together. After school, after we came back from Dunkin, people praticing cheer [Not a pretty sight. Almost terrifying.] on the court which made us sadder cause it used to be our place but now no more.

I got lots of things to do and filled my mind today so I wasn't too sad. But who knows about tomorrow, right? I heard that we may be able to appeal the result, pray damn hard starting from now. Oh, Buddha!!!! I hope the judges are not blind instead I hope they're just bad with numbers. [Like me!!!]

You people go merentas desa together la!!! All while I'm going for dreadful Add Maths and Physics tuition!!!

- I swear I'm still devastated. [Not a good thing.]

Day-TWO

Day two of you know what I'm not doing anymore. Can't even think of that word cause it makes all the emotion comes back. Feeling absolutely horrible today. Can't stop thinking and talking about the thing I miss most. When we saw Yee Seen during recess, we're madly happy and hug each other which makes me want to cry. But Yee Seen said cannot cry so I didn't cause I know when I go home and feel the emptiness, that's when I'll unleash it all out.

When I thought my tears have dried up, Yee Seen's post make me cry yet again. I miss everything too!!! I miss us being us!!! I miss formation with lots of holes because people did not come. Then cannot tahan anymore, I go and feed on my mental food which is the video of our school competition. I miss all those semangat slogans and things that I regretted not doing during zon competition when compared those two videos. I regretted not being make it to wilayah competition. I regretted that we did not take our squad and mostly Yee Seen [Cause she wants this the most] to the next level.

I dislike my mum. 2 careless words from her mouth and I broke down. She doesn't seem to know what I am talking about everytime I tell her I'm devastated. She thought that I was frustrated because we lost. Things she would never know is that I have a great, big, beautiful family of 31 at school whom I miss so much it hurts. She would never know that how semangat we are when we have the same goal. She would have no idea how we cry in pain and broken heartedly when we lose. She would never know how much this squad means to us. Not just something to brag about or to gain certificate for scholarships, it's something way deeper than that. Something inside out heart.

Yee Seen and Su Ann put their leaves near mine and said so that we'll always be together. Damn la, Yee Seen. With your poker face sometimes you say the most heart warming words. Life is still terrifying empty and saddening. All we ever talk about now is how we miss the thing that we will never do together and how empty our lives are. Jing Yee said that she wanted to be happy back and I said to her that it's going to be a long way. I would be hard to forget all those happy moments we shared together. All the sweat and tears we shed. [Happy or not] Most of all, the bond we built among ourselves.

Maybe not all of us in the squad agree with me but I think most of us form 4s are truly missing this and we teared up whenever we talk about it. People said that As time goes by, the sadness will be wash away too. But I believe that, Time never does anything to sadness like this. It never will.

She said:" It's over."

To me, it never will end. I will never let it end.

- I will keep holding to it until it hurts me.

31 in 1

YEE SEEN. MAGGIE. SERENNA. PUI PING. JING YEE. HUI WEI. KAI XING. SHUNG LI. JUN LIN. CHIEW TENG. JOO LING. WEI CI. EDZFARINA. PUTERI. SHE MEI. JOSEPHINE. SU ANN. AMANDA. FIONA. ONN GIE. KAI YAN. AMIRA. SYAMALA. JANET. CARMEN. CHAMAINE. FATIN. RAIHAN. HUI CHI. SYUHADA. SHU ERN.

THANK YOU GIRLS!!!! IT'S BEEN A WONDERFUL JOURNEY WE'VE EMBARKED TOGETHER. FROM LEMBIK WE HAVE BECAME EXTREMELY MACHO!!!!!! TOGETHER WE'VE CREATED SOMETHING GREAT AND BEAUTIFUL!!!! GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES, I ACCEPT ALL OF THEM AND WILL REMEMBER THIS TILL THE END OF TIME.

-But I do do feel that I too too will miss you much.

1st Day

This is the first day that I don't have to stay back for kawad anymore. I felt lonely. I can almost feel my sorrow eating my inside little by little. Everyone is sad and frustrated. We miss kawad so damn much. We miss the hot hot days. We miss the rainy cold days. We miss everyone. And especially I miss Yee Seen the most. When there is nothing to do, I cry. Because I realize how much I miss this.

I know breaking down is not the smartest or macho-est thing to do but what else to do when you're so sad and it's welling up inside your heart. There's no way I can get over it so fast. For 3 months, I have been kawad-ing. And now it just stopped without a trace. Disappear. I had nothing left even. I had forget that what life is like when I don't have kawad. I don't know what I need to do when I get back home early. I don't know what to feel when I can't feel the sun burning into my skin. I'm sadistic maybe but I felt a sense of lost.

It's like I just lost my house and everything I have. It's stupid to think that we wouldn't be together anymore once this is all over. But noone ever say We're gonna part and it's gonna be this soon. It got my by surprise, really. There's nothing I can do, that's why I'm crying. I know we will not be kawad-ing together anymore. For the past 3 months, I've been living, eating, breathing for kawad. Looking at the field that we used to have practice just make me feel sick because I miss this so much. I'm so used to kawad-ing and seeing all the squad members everyday, when I don't see them, I miss them.

When I was in Form 1, whenever the ajks planned kawad on Wednesday activities, I skipped it or find stupid excuses. I have never thought of the day that I'm gonna miss it so much that it hurts. Now it really has happened and it's killing me. Everything looks different. There's nothing that I look forward to after school anymore. We will never do the same thing, have the same spirit, shout the same slogan and have the same goal anymore. It breaks my tiny little black teary heart just by thinking of it.

They say:" Noone dies of a broken heart." but I think I am. We're orphans. Now we're adopted. We have our own life. But I'm sure that none of us have move on. We'll always remember this and miss this. Can we please still be as close as we are when we have kawad? Promise me please. =)

When you cry so much, the tears leave tracks on your face.

-Being with you people is where I belong.